The best date night

Ever since Nathan and I got married, we have made Friday night our date night. We rarely miss it and it's our favorite time of the week to spend time together and just talk about life. We have been to numerous restaurants, had plenty of good food and conversation and enjoyed the past 3 years of date nights together. However, out of all the many Friday night date nights we have experienced, we had our best one yet last Friday.

Friday February 26th, 2010 at 7:43 p.m., we were blessed with the greatest gift in our lives. Our baby boy Jack Matthew Gooden was born into the world. It was the day our lives changed forever and a day I will never forget. I thought I would write his birth story down, so I could look back and remember everything about the day our baby boy arrived.....

Thursday, February 25th I had a doctor's appointment. Miserable, and so done being pregnant, I was hoping something had changed. I had been 1 cm dialated and 50% effaced for almost a month at this point. Nathan and I went into the doctor to be told.....NOTHING had changed. I was still 1 cm dialated and still 50% effaced. The baby wasn't any lower and it looked like things were going to stay the same for a while. I got in the car and started crying, literally praying God would help get my baby out! Now I can look back and laugh at that day, but at the time I was literally desperate. Everything hurt. I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to eat and I had been through 3 weeks of "false labor" almost every night. I was sad, uncomfortable and had really lost the joy of being pregnant. That night Nathan and I turned on the TV to watch the Olympics for the night. The figure skaters were on and I was so excited to watch. But after about an hour of trying to sit, stand, lay or find any position where I was comfortable, I finally looked at Nathan and said "I am going to have to go to sleep. I can't find any comfortable position and I am so miserable that maybe if I can just fall asleep I won't have to feel so bad anymore." So, around 11:00 p.m. I turned off the figure skating and actually fell asleep rather quickly. The hours from 11:00 p.m to 3:00 a.m. were filled with very restful sleep! I didn't wake up once.......until 3:00 a.m.

I woke to the usual discomfort around 3:00 a.m. and figured it was yet again false labor. I was grateful for the 4 hours of sleep I had and like most nights knew the discomfort would go away if I just sat up to sleep for the rest of the night. So I pulled myself up and propped up my pillows like usual. But after about 25 mnutes, I realized the pain wasn't going away. Even more unusual, I noticed the pain was actually coming in the form of what I thought were contractions. Every other night it was more of a constant pain, but it always went away if I changed positions. At this point I was just annoyed. I was tired and I wanted to sleep. I started watching the clock and realized I was actually getting contractions about every 7 to 9 minutes. Hmmmm, I still wasn't convinced it was anything real. I waited through the contractions until 5:00 a.m. when I decided to wake up Nathan. They were now coming every 5 to 7 minutes apart and getting a little more painful. I couldn't lay down through them anymore. Once Nathan was up (sort of, mostly still asleep), I thought maybe a warm bath would stop everything and I could go back to sleep again. So, I got in the bath. As I sat there waiting for everything to calm down, the contractions continued. Every 5 minutes, it returned. I got out of the bath and realized that some contractions were now coming every 2 minutes apart. I wasn't getting much of a break anymore.

At this time I was still in denial that this was anything real. I asked Nathan if he thought we should call the on-call doctor. By about 7:00 a.m., we decided to call and just see what he thought about the situation. The doctor on-call turned out to be the dr. I had seen the day before. I told him that I thought I was having contractions now every 2 to 5 minutes apart for 4 hours. He didn't seem too concerned yet (probably because he thought I was that first time Mom with more false labor and he had seen me the day before and nothing seemed to be happening then.) So, he said to wait until 8:00 a.m. and go into the office to be checked when it opened. I was a little mad because I then realized I would have to wait another hour at home with contractions every five minutes that were to the point that I couldn't walk or talk through them.

So, I put on some clothes, gathered my hospital bags and waited. Nathan got dressed and we watched some TV to pass the time as he talked me through contractions. At 8:00 a.m. we called and we were out the door by 8:15 a.m. Now, I seriously was still in denial that this was labor. I was in such denial that I said to Nathan "Hopefully they can give me something to help stop this pain. They can't just leave me like this, right? I need some sort of medication" Hahaha. I was more concerned about getting some medication to stop this pain than actually thinking this could be labor. When we got to the office, they took us in and checked me in between contractions. I was 3 cm dialated and almost 80% effaced!!!! PROGRESS!!! The doctor said "Yes, you are in labor. You get to go to the hospital." Let me just tell you, I was so convinced I was that girl that was going to be sent back home as they said "Ummmm no, this is not labor at all. You are just a big wimp who can't handle the end of pregnancy." It was so nice to hear that what I was feeling had actually been real labor for 5 hours.

The doctor left the room and we looked at each other and realized we were going to have a baby today. OH MY GOSH!!!!! NO WAY!!! That explained why I was in so much misery the day before. Our little man was just preparing to make his debut. We drove across the street to the hospital (thank goodness it's across the street, because getting through contractions while sitting in the car is not fun at all). We checked in and I was taken to my room where I met my nurse Lauren. She looked more like she would be one of my friends then a nurse. She was probably around my age, engaged and so sweet. I felt immediately blessed and comfortable knowing she would be with me all day. I got hooked up to all the monitors and then the doctor came in to check me again. I was already 4 to 5 cm dialated and in active labor at this point. By 10:30 a.m. I had been in labor for 7 hours and funny enough, was still debating on the epidural at the time. Don't get me wrong, during the actual contractions I was in some pretty bad pain. But in between I could rest for a few minutes and really could still get through them on my own. But after discussing it with my nurse and doctor, we decided now was a pretty good time to get the epidural. Mostly because I would have to sit still through any contractions and as labor gets more intense, that would get more difficult to do.

About 15 minutes later, the drugs arrived!! Now, I have always heard horror stories about the epidural. And I am usually that girl that practically hyperventilates to get my blood taken. I don't know whether it was just being in labor itself, or a miraculous moment, but the epidural didn't scare me at all. It wasn't painful and actually was really easy for me. It wasn't until later that Nathan told me how large the needle was and that he couldn't believe it didn't bother me. Once that was taped and set, I was able to lay back down and wait for the magic medicine to do it's job! It took a little longer than expected, mainly because I am tall and Lauren said it has to metabolize through the entire lower half of my body. Slowly, my toes started to tingle, then my legs, then they started to go numb. My legs felt nothing, my uterus was still feeling everything. Luckily, after about 30 minutes it did the trick and I wasn't feeling contractions at all. A few minutes later my doctor came in and broke my water. We watched the contractions increase big time on the monitor and I realized I was so glad I got the epidural when I did.

Unfortunately, as the pain of the contractions left, a new pain showed up. I apparently pulled a couple muscles around my left rib cage during labor. Yeah, of course of all times to pull a muscle, this wouldn't have been my first choice. So I had terrible rib pain that the epidural coudn't touch. I changed positions every few minutes and nothing took the pain away. I was so frustrated knowing that if the rib pain wasn't there, I would be enjoying this experience. We tried heat packs, cold packs, massage etc. The heat helped some and my poor nurse did everything she could to help me be more comfortable. They couldn't give me anything because what they would prescribe would go straight to the baby. So I came to the conclusion that I was just going to have to deal with it. We prayed and prayed for the pain to be taken away and Praise God after about 3 hours, it subsided significantly. By 4 :00 p.m. I realized that the hours had just flown and I was grateful for that part. I had now been in labor for 13 hours. The doctor came back in to check me and I was still sitting at 6 1/2 cms. I about cried. I was exhausted, starving and felt like I had quit making any progress. The doctor said he would give it another hour and if nothing changes, they would start me on pitocin to speed up the labor. I spent that next hour turning from side to side, changing positions and when he came back to check me again I was almost 9 cms!!!! I was so excited and so grateful.

My doctor was scheduled until 5 p.m and when 5 p.m. came with no baby, he had to leave. I was sad but the next doctor on call, Dr. Henderson was coming in and he had been great as well. Last year after I miscarried our first baby, it was him who called me from the office and said "There is no reason why we won't be at the hospital in a year delivering your healthy baby." I will never forget those words and I thought how ironic, here we are in the hospital one year later and he is going to deliver my baby.

It was about 10 minutes after I was checked that I noticed I was feeling a little bit of the contractions again. It started out pretty mild, but with each contraction I started to feel more and more. I told my nurse it was getting pretty uncomfortable considering at this point I was contracting every 1 to 2 minutes. Within 15 more minutes, I felt EVERYTHING. I went from comfortable to miserable so quickly. The pain was horrible. My nurse called the anesthesiologist and they decided for some reason, my epidural had quit working. They didn't know why, but it completely stopped. UMMMM I had not really planned to see what true hard labor felt like...... BUT I GOT THAT LOVELY EXPERIENCE ANYWAY!!! 9 1/2 cms, contracting every 1 to 2 minutes and let me tell you, it's amazing how much pain your body can create. What was worse was the fact that I knew I would have to hold still while another epidural was administered. I was in so much pain I didn't know if that was possible. But I had no choice. So they called in a second nurse to help hold me in place because I was practically in constant contractions which meant I would have to sit up perfectly still through numerous contractions. It was the most painful few minutes of my life. I seriously thought I couldn't hold still long enough to get the epidural in. Thank goodness I did it and after another 10 minutes or so, it was working!!! The only negative: my legs were so numb, I couldn't move them anymore. The nurse had to move me around and that wasn't the most comfortable feeling. But I guess at that point it's a choice: Extreme pain, or extreme numbness. I'll take being numb.

Finally at 6:20 p.m., the nurse told me I was fully dialated and ready to push!!!! I was so happy and yet so scared. I didn't know if I had the energy it would take at this point. I had been in labor for 16 hours with no food and no sleep. I knew if I couldn't get this baby out, I would end up in the OR with a C-section. So, with completely numb legs, I gave it my full effort. I pushed 3 times in every contraction for an hour and 20 minutes. It was definitely mind over matter because after each time I really didn't know if I could keep going. I had worked out for most of my pregnancy and all I can say is thank goodness for that. Without my training sessions, I don't know if I would have had the strength to get through what felt like the hardest workout I have ever had. I also could not have done it without my 2 coaches, my amazing husband and my friend Linda. Nathan was incredible. He encouraged me telling me I could do it every time. With every push he lifted my back for me and coached me the entire time. After an extremely long day for him, he stood by my bed for an hour and a half , never leaving my side, coaching me through every second. I am so blessed. My mom was on a plane and we knew she would probably miss the birth. I so wish she could have been there. (She arrived about 2 hours after Jack was born.) Linda stood in as my second coach and she was amazing as well. Not only did she help me through it all, but she took pictures for us the entire time. Without her being there, we woudln't have the precious memories of the birth of our baby boy. Thank you so much Linda!

With my final few pushes and all the strength I had left, at 7:43 p.m. our beautiful baby boy came into the world. I remember looking at the doctor holding him thinking "That's one big baby. I can't believe he was in my belly!" It was absolutely amazing and at that very moment I realized it was worth every second: all the days of nausea, all the weight gain, all the discomfort, all the stretch marks, all the hours of labor, all of everything. It was worth it. Jack wasn't breathing very well at first so Nathan didn't get to cut the cord and I didn't get to hold him right away. But it's ok, because he turned out just perfect. He never had to leave the delivery room and after about 5 minutes Nathan brought him over to me to see for the first time. He laid this heavy baby on my chest and I still coudn't quite believe I pushed him out. It was the hardest thing I had ever done and the best thing I had ever done. Nathan and I just saw there looking at him in amazement at God's creation.

It has been 2 weeks since that amazing day. I am exhausted, but in love with this precious baby. I see myself and Nathan in him and sometimes I still just look at him in amazement. He is the best gift we could have ever received. The name Jack means God is gracious. The name Matthew means Gift of God. That says it all. Through the miscarriage, the cancer and everything along the way, he is a gracious gift from God. Thank you Lord for this baby boy. We can only pray we are the parents he deserves and that we never take a moment for granted.

So, almost every Friday night of our marriage, around 7:43 p.m. we are out to dinner enjoying each other and relaxing after the week. On Friday, February 26th at 7:43 p.m., we were having our best date night ever. There wasn't any food, and I certainly wasn't dressed up. But I am not sure there will ever be another Friday night date night that tops that one. We love you Jack Matthew. We can't wait to enjoy life with you and watch you grow!

Jack Matthew Gooden

Born February 26th, 2010 at 7:43 p.m.

8 pounds 14 ounces, 22 inches long

2009

Well here we are!! On the very last day of the year. As I sit here, 31 weeks pregnant with our sweet baby boy, I can't help but think of all God has done in our lives this year. It has been a year of ups and downs, but all in all, it has been a year of God's greatness and blessings. Our Pastor said last week "Think about just one thing you are grateful for this year." I was overwhelmed when I realized that I am grateful for more than I could ever express.

It was one year ago today that we found out we were pregnant with our first baby! What a way to start 2009! Although we had no idea where the year would take us, we were thrilled and blessed. I had no idea that at that same time I had cancer growing deeper into my body and that 2009 would turn out to be a little different than I expected. God knew already what every day of this year would entail. He took our sweet baby back to Heaven so that I could be healed and then gave us the gift of another baby growing healthy and strong.

God brought us through a miscarriage, a cancer diagnosis, a cancer surgery and recovery and great report, a potential move, many house showings with no selling, a couple potential houses we almost bought, and a beautiful baby boy growing strong and healthy inside of me. WOW. If I have learned anything this year, it is that His plans are definitely far better than mine. In some ways it was a year with some anxiety, fear and apprehension. In the end, it turned out to be a year of blessing, provision and favor. God showed us favor in so many ways this past year. I sit here and see the big scar on my leg as a symbol of God's greatness. I see my big belly as a symbol of God's greatest love and miracles. I am grateful for Nathan's job and protection as he traveled across the country literally almost every week this past year. He traveled more miles this year than I did as Miss America!

What an amazing year it has been. I can honestly say it was one of the best years of my life. I have never been more grateful on December 31st for the incredible blessings I have. I have the two greatest things I could have hoped for: my health and the beautiful baby we have prayed for.

I have learned that each year may not turn out the way you expect. But in the end, if we learn to trust God, we will see how much better His plans are than our's. Thank you Father for the immeasurable blessings you have given to us this past year. I am closer to you now as I say thank you for allowing me to walk through the not - so - easy, just so I could see a glimpse of your greatness.

Happy New Year Everyone!!! I pray you are as blessed as we are. May we all continue to live our daily lives as an expression of gratitude to our Father for all He does and will do in the next year for us. After this year, I won't ever forget how very blessed I am.

Halfway There!

So once again I have let the blog go for a while. But there are a lot of things to post and I think it's about time I do so!

I am officially 20 weeks pregnant (almost 21) and can't believe it! I have hit the halfway mark to the birth of our sweet little.........

BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There he is, showing that he is definitely a boy. We actually found out he was a boy a little earlier than expected when I was in a car accident in Tulsa in September. I was rear ended at a complete stop by someone going 40 miles per hour. It was very scary, but when I got an ultrasound following the accident, our little boy was waving his arms, moving around and did not even notice that we had been bumped pretty hard. Praise God for His protection, my sweet angel was just fine! I was 15 weeks at that time and the doctor said, "Do you want to know what you are having?" I said "Well, of course I do, but my husband isn't here. It would just be wrong!" He said "I will take a picture, and write it down and seal it in an envelope for you. You can open it whenver you want" Sounded good to me. I would try to hold off until I got home to see Nathan, even though the anticipation was killing me. I called Nathan right away and he said "Well, open it now!!" Haha. So, I certainly was not going to refuse that demand. I opened the envelope with my mom and read to Nathan.... "It's a BOY!!!!!!" It was so exciting. It turned a bad day into a wonderful day and I will never forget how we found out about our sweet little boy.

A few weeks later I had my second trimster screening ultrasound, where the ultrasound tech looked at all of his organs and bones and made sure he was growing just right. I was a little nervous, praying that all his little parts were growing well. Praise God, he is just great!!!!!!!!! Our little boy has everything he needs and is growing just right. In fact, he was measuring about 4 days ahead of schedule according to his head and abdomen circumference and his femur length. I was absolutely overjoyed to spend about 15 minutes looking at him, move and wave and kick. The ultrasound tech was just wonderful and explained everything she was looking at. She also gave us a lot of pictures! We told her we had never seen his face (at ever other ultrasound, he was always facing my back). So she flipped on the 3d and got a wonderful picture of his beautiful face!!!! For the first time, Nathan and I got to see the sweet little face we will be kissing very soon. Here are some pics from the ultrasound.

We are so excited for this little man. We have some name options, one in particular right now, but no definite decision yet. Baby is not making Mommy as sick anymore and it feels great to almost feel normal again. He is dedfinitely increasing Mommy's appetite and I find myself hungry all the time. He still really likes cheese and anything with cheese in it, on it or near it. He also enjoys his man food every now and then, like chili and burgers. Some days he kicks me like crazy and other days, he is very quiet which makes me think he is growing on those days! I will leave you with some current belly pics. 20 weeks and counting!!!

New Clothes!

Well, I am super excited because my wonderful husband gave me the shopping pass this last weekend. I got some great new fall maternity items to get me through the next couple months!!! I got a second pair of great jeans (Paige) which I love because they don't even look like maternity, well unless I lift up the shirt. I got some great long maxi dresses for the rest of the long North Carolina summer and some great fall tops to go with my new jeans and black and brown pants. I got everything at a boutique here called Cravings and I have to say, investing in some nice clothes definitely does pay off. They look so great and I have hope of feeling cute again! Yay! Thank you honey!!

I just can't ever imagine how I was given such a wondeful husband. He works so hard for us and then spoils me like crazy. He takes such great care of me and I am in constant amazement every day by his heart. I am so grateful to have been given such a gift in my husband. I just can't help but think how blessed our children will be to have such a great example of a good man and such a great Daddy :)

As for pregnancy, I am still feeling the ick today at 12 weeks 5 days. But I just keep remembering that sickness is a great sign of a healthy pregnancy. What more could I ask for?

This morning I awoke to a beautiful, huge vase of flowers and a beautiful card from my man, just because. Yes, not only is my man a great cook and a hard worker.... he can arrange flowers as well. He MADE this arrangement! (Although he would tell you he just stuck the flowers in a vase. I think not..)

12 Weeks

Well, tomorrow I will officially be 12 weeks pregnant! Am I secretly hoping I am one of those pregnant women who wakes up at 12 weeks and feel fabulous? YES!!! But I am trying not to get my hopes up as I know this ick can last a few more weeks. Whatever happens, I am thrilled to be 12 weeks and feel so blessed to have a healthy, growing baby (that looks more like a human now). I have gained 5 pounds and have a definite belly. For all of you out there hoping for belly pics, they will be posted soon I promise!

As week 10 approached and I felt some relief from the sickness, I was so excited. But why doesn't anyone tell you that it actually can get worse during week 11? WOW. It was the worst it has been the entire pregnancy. There must be some major growing going on in there :) So for my own memories, I thought I would list the things this baby seems to love, and seems to hate:

Baby Gooden Loves:

CHEESE, CHEESE, and CHEESE. (Especially Velveeta).

Bagels and cream CHEESE

Mac and CHEESE

Chips and QUESO Aka CHEESE

Grilled CHEESE and Ranch

Quesadillas (Mainly CHEESE)

Chocolate Milk

Canned Pears and Peaches

Peppermints

Apple Juice

Sprite


Baby Gooden DOES NOT LIKE:

Pei Wei or any smell associated with Pei Wei

Ground Beef

DESSERTS.... Yeah that's right, ice cream, cake, cookies.

Vegitables

Not that into Pizza (sad, sad)

The smell of Vitamins

WATER (Yes, plain water)

Even with my baby who must already have flavored drinks, I am so in love with this little one! I have always thought it was a boy until this past week when I got sicker. I am now wondering if there is a little girly girl in there? But what girl doesn't like desserts? Well today there was a new development. The Dove chocolate in my kitchen has made me nauseous for 3 months. My desire for my favorite chocolate had completely gone away. In fact, I would choose cheese over chocolate. THAT IS...... until today. When all of a sudden, I wanted chocolate. Hmmmmm?? I ate 2 pieces of dove milk chocolate and I was in love again. Could this baby be trying to tell me it really is a girl? Or is it a sweet baby boy who had a sudden craving for chocolate? 6 more weeks to find out and the anticipation is killing me! I guess it's just another way of preparing Momma's to have patience :) I can't wait to know who is in there!

And the pic you have all been waiting for..........THE 12 WEEK BELLY!!!

Better pics to come :) I had to take this one myself

Due....March 5th 2010!!!!

Like I said earlier, 2009 is an exciting year for us! After graduating from OU in May (after I started 8 years ago Haha), and healing from surgery in April (which after I wrote my 45 page thesis to graduate all in 2 weeks), I knew there was that one other thing we were hoping for this year......... A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are so happy to announce Baby Gooden will be arriving on or around March 5th of 2010. We could not be more thrilled!!! It has been a year of ups and downs from New Year's Eve, but there is nothing better than seeing that positive pregnancy test when it's what you have been hoping for all along. When I got pregnant in December, we were so grateful for how quickly God gave us a pregnancy. By the time we got to June, we were just praying for another chance. Although it had not been that long in reality, it had seemed like forever since we decided last November it was time for a baby!

This pregnancy is just another step in God's great plan and we are so grateful to see Him move so much in our lives this year. He knew that in December, I had melanoma that had to be healed before we could welcome a child into the world. So, He quickly took that sweet baby back home knowing His great plan was to get me healed first. We now have the great blessing of seeing His plan all come together perfectly. You see, I always said I wanted to get pregnant in June for a few reasons: First, I would spend most of my pregnancy in the cool months of the year. Second: March is a great time of year to have a baby and I thought that would be just perfect. So when we got pregnant in December, it just wasn't the right plan! Shocked as we were, June 2009 was the month. We were blessed with the greatest miracle in the world.


Of course, even when His plan was pretty clear to me, I still fought a lot of fear with this pregnancy. I had not made it past 5 weeks last time, so when I got a positive pregnancy test at 3 weeks 4 days, I knew I had a long first trimester ahead of me. Nathan and I immediately started praying for a healthy, thriving baby. We praised God for every day that went by and I was still pregnant (and we still do). When I made it past 5 weeks, I was thrilled. At 6 1/2 weeks, we got the first opportunity to see our sweet baby. I was a nervous wreck, wondering what we would find on that ultrasound. And then, there it was. This sweet little angel with a beating heart. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. The doctor said his or her heart must have just started. How cool is that? To see your baby's beating heart just days after it starts?! All I could think was Wow, God started that little heart. How incredible. I had another appointment in 2 weeks, so I set out to pray for 2 more weeks of growing baby. We made it to 7 weeks, then 8 weeks and then 9. At 8 weeks 6 days, I had my second ultrasound. Once again, we saw this beautiful angel that looked much more like a baby this time! His or her heart was beating away and even more amazing, his or her arms and legs were MOVING! Wow. It was just amazing. All you moms out there, you know exactly what it feels like. There is nothing better than seeing the first few movements of your baby. I felt so blessed.


I am now on my way to 10 weeks and grateful still for each passing day. Now on to the more practical side of it...... first trimester is tough. Whoa. I fought some exhaustion for the first couple weeks and kept thinking, hmmm this is pretty easy. I feel fine. HELLO 7 WEEKS...... NAUSEOUS!!! I have had very similar symptoms to my mom. I feel great in the morning, but by 8 or so at night (and sometimes by 4 or 5) I feel that overwhelming YUCK. Around 8 weeks, I had a few days where the misery was alllllll day long. But, I have to say, it hasn't been that bad and it could be much worse!! And every time I feel miserable, I just keep thinking how grateful I should be for this healthy, growing baby that makes me feel miserable. Haha. This too shall pass! As long as our sweet baby keeps growing, I can't really complain about the other side of it.


We are so excited and I am excited to finally reveal it everyone! I am already too big for my regular pants and it's getting a little difficult to hide this growing belly. Get excited for 7 more months of baby updates all leading up to the most exciting thing ever!

Here is my ultrasound from 8 weeks 6 days. Baby's head is on the left. I'm a little biased, but I think it's a pretty cute little gummy bear :)

We can't wait to meet you little one!

2009 Part 3 (READ PART 1 AND 2 FIRST BELOW)

I have had surgery before. Twice in fact. But I have to say, this recovery was the toughest. I spent 5 days with the big ugly cast on my leg, moving around my house with a walker. I could not put weight on my leg at all, as they did not want any stitches to rip. I realized very quickly how much easier it was to just sit in my bed and sleep. Luckily I have a great mom who forced me out of my bed, even if it was just to hop on my walker to the bathroom. Those were some long days. My doctor told me the recovery would not be easy. It took so much energy just to get out of bed and the weight of the cast was painful as my leg came out of the bed and it pulled everythinf downward. My foot would tingle and turn red as the circulation was just not working well.

After a lot of mac and cheese (which I was certianly not complaing about) and many days of lifetime moves (another thing I won't complain about), I was able to go to see the plastic surgeon for the big reveal. This suddenly sounds like I got some great new implants or something. HAHA. NOTTTTTTT. By they way, I don't have old implants either. Just to clear that statement up. Although, this certainly wasn't what I imagined my first experience with a plastic surgeon would be. Haha. We waited and got called back to this room. I never actually saw or met this man that put my leg back together, so this was our first meeting even though my mom and Nathan had met him on surgery day. He had a thick german accent and for some reason I thought it made him sound smarter than American doctors, so I was pleased! I was very scared to see what was underneath that cast. As the nurse slowly unwrapped it, I was afraid to look. I wasn't sure if I was prepared to see what the aftermath of skin cancer looked like. After all, it wasn't just those 3 stitches from the first dermatology visit. When the nurse finished I looked down to see what literally looked like a hole in my ankle covered with a circle of skin. WOW. You could put quite a few M&M's in there for safe keeping. These doctors don't take melanoma lightly. I wondered if there was any of my ankle left? I looked like one of those patients with flesh eating bacteria, only mine was covered with stiched on skin. SIDE NOTE: If you are eating dinner right now, you are welcome to resume reading at a later date. I know, it's not a pretty picture. Anyway, the doctor said it looked great and would start to fill in with new skin over the next 8 to 12 months. He then did something so painful, it felt like I wouldn't be able to ever walk again. He took my heel and pressed upward trying to stretch my ankle back to a regular standing position. OHHHHHH MYYYY GOSHHHH. It felt as though it would NEVER move again. Let me tell you, I am a ballet dancer. I know ankle pain. I've had it all. But nothing has ever felt like this. My leg had been in the casted position for only 5 days, but I had stitches just milimeters from my achiles tendon. I was convinced my foot would stay that way forever. It felt as though I wouldn't walk again.

o I then began the daily stretching of my ankle, trying to eventually get it back to a 90 degree angle which is where your ankle must be to stand evenly. For the next 3 weeks, I worked and worked to get it there. My ankle swelled daily and I got discouraged many times as I felt it was too painful to stand. I also had the lovely task of changing the bandages every day. I did not really know what it was supposed to look like as it healed and ewww was it gross. The skin graft slowly scabbed and would bleed every day from the stretching. Who knew a small little mole could turn into this? That's the point. Skin cancer is big. It's scary, but it doesn't have to be if it is caught early.

A week or so later, I got the call that I wanted to get, but was still scared to know. The biopsy on my lymph node had come back completely clear. I was cancer free. For the first time in over a month, I could breathe. I felt like I had my life back. No more worry, no more fear that there is cancer inside my body. There are no 100% gurantees, but I now only have a 2 to 3% chance that any cancer cells randomly escaped and went past the lymph nodes to another location. My doctor said everything looked great and as he believed previously, this is most likely a one time experience. I continued to allow my leg to heal throughout the next month or so and around the 10 week mark, it finally felt normal again. I could walk. The swelling was gone and although I had an interesting scar going on, I was amazed at my body's ability to heal. The "M&M" hole had almost completely filled in from underneath. My body had regrown skin within just weeks. It was amazing.

This entire experiece changed me forever. I now visit the dermatologist and my surgeon every 3 months for the next year. At every visit I get a blood test and an external lymph node check. I had my first 3 month check up just a couple weeks ago. Every time I have to return to the same waiting room where I started. I am surrounded by people fighting a much bigger battle than me. I sit there now on the other side of cancer and wonder where they are in their journey. I am constantly reminded of that fact that there are no gurantees in health. I had a great appointment and receievd a clean bill of health. 3 months down........The longer I stay healthy, the better my chances are that this won't return in any way. I walked out with a grateful heart. I wear sunscreen every single day and the days of laying out are long gone. But I am embracing my skin and knowing that no tan is worth losing your life! Here are a few pics of my ankle 1 and 2 weeks post surgery: Did you realize a small mole could become this?

I am thankful now for each day. I realize that things can change within minutes. It is true what they say, you have nothing witout your health. I praise God every day for giving me this chance to experience something bigger than me. I am grateful for the opportunity to go through something that helped me grow closer to Him. You see, I had 2 choices every day. FEAR OR FAITH. The two cannot co-exist. So which would I choose today? Which would I choose this minute. There were some days it was a minute by minute battle. When faith escapes, fear rushes in to take it's place. I still have to make that choice every day. I could wake up in fear that I will be that small percentage of people who's cancer shows up somewhere else down the road. Or I can have faith that my life was saved for a purpose bigger than I know. I choose faith. I was given incredibly intelligent doctors who gave me the best possible treatment available. I was given a testimony of faith to share with my children. I was given the chance to experience something where I had absolutely no option but to believe I would be Ok. There was nothing more than faith. How precious is that? I was given a husband who stands on faith bigger than a mountain, never doubting the fact that I would be fine. I have so much to be grateful for.



The point is, skin cancer is scary. I never thought I would be 26 and have already faced cancer. I never thought I would be strong enough to deal with something like that. But God knew I would face this long before I was even born. He prepared me in every way possible. He brought me to Raleigh. He gave me an incredible husband and best friend. He gave me a great family who helped me all along the way. We can often find answers at the end of the journey. I learned that had still been pregnant at the time of all this, I could not have had the treatment I truly needed at that time. As I sat and cried over the loss of our first pregnancy in January, I had no idea that I had cancer on my leg. But God did. He knew that my body would have to be healed before we welcomed a child into the world. He knew His plan all along. I now have answers to why He took that first pregnancy away. It was so I could be healed. How great is our God? So much greater than I could every imagine. But what a blessing it is to see little glimpses of his greatness through the trying times. He is so good. I now know that it was the Holy Spirit that kept reminding me to make that dermatology appointment. When I would forget, a couple days later I would hear it again "call and make an appointment". What an amazing experience.

The moral of the story: My life was saved by that first dermatology appointment. I could still be sitting here with cancer on and in my body. The thing about melanoma is, once there are internal symptoms, it is often too late for a cure. Ladies, this is the number 1 cancer for us ages 25 to 30. I fit the statistic perfectly. Although melanoma is only 4% of skin cancers, it is also the only type that spreads rapidly and kills 8,000 people a year. Skin cancer is the only type of cancer that shows itself externally from the very beginning. There is NO excuse for people to die from this cancer. Go for your yearly skin checks. You may save your very own life.

I am grateful that through all of this I am a better woman, a better wife and will be a better mother. My faith is at a level where I can teach my children through experience that our God is so good. Nathan and I are closer after walking through 2 "big" things this year. Whew.... did I say 2009 would be a big year? God sure thought so! Well get excited, because there are more big things happening and I cannot wait to tell you all about it!!!!!

2009: To be continued very soon :)