2009 Part 3 (READ PART 1 AND 2 FIRST BELOW)

I have had surgery before. Twice in fact. But I have to say, this recovery was the toughest. I spent 5 days with the big ugly cast on my leg, moving around my house with a walker. I could not put weight on my leg at all, as they did not want any stitches to rip. I realized very quickly how much easier it was to just sit in my bed and sleep. Luckily I have a great mom who forced me out of my bed, even if it was just to hop on my walker to the bathroom. Those were some long days. My doctor told me the recovery would not be easy. It took so much energy just to get out of bed and the weight of the cast was painful as my leg came out of the bed and it pulled everythinf downward. My foot would tingle and turn red as the circulation was just not working well.

After a lot of mac and cheese (which I was certianly not complaing about) and many days of lifetime moves (another thing I won't complain about), I was able to go to see the plastic surgeon for the big reveal. This suddenly sounds like I got some great new implants or something. HAHA. NOTTTTTTT. By they way, I don't have old implants either. Just to clear that statement up. Although, this certainly wasn't what I imagined my first experience with a plastic surgeon would be. Haha. We waited and got called back to this room. I never actually saw or met this man that put my leg back together, so this was our first meeting even though my mom and Nathan had met him on surgery day. He had a thick german accent and for some reason I thought it made him sound smarter than American doctors, so I was pleased! I was very scared to see what was underneath that cast. As the nurse slowly unwrapped it, I was afraid to look. I wasn't sure if I was prepared to see what the aftermath of skin cancer looked like. After all, it wasn't just those 3 stitches from the first dermatology visit. When the nurse finished I looked down to see what literally looked like a hole in my ankle covered with a circle of skin. WOW. You could put quite a few M&M's in there for safe keeping. These doctors don't take melanoma lightly. I wondered if there was any of my ankle left? I looked like one of those patients with flesh eating bacteria, only mine was covered with stiched on skin. SIDE NOTE: If you are eating dinner right now, you are welcome to resume reading at a later date. I know, it's not a pretty picture. Anyway, the doctor said it looked great and would start to fill in with new skin over the next 8 to 12 months. He then did something so painful, it felt like I wouldn't be able to ever walk again. He took my heel and pressed upward trying to stretch my ankle back to a regular standing position. OHHHHHH MYYYY GOSHHHH. It felt as though it would NEVER move again. Let me tell you, I am a ballet dancer. I know ankle pain. I've had it all. But nothing has ever felt like this. My leg had been in the casted position for only 5 days, but I had stitches just milimeters from my achiles tendon. I was convinced my foot would stay that way forever. It felt as though I wouldn't walk again.

o I then began the daily stretching of my ankle, trying to eventually get it back to a 90 degree angle which is where your ankle must be to stand evenly. For the next 3 weeks, I worked and worked to get it there. My ankle swelled daily and I got discouraged many times as I felt it was too painful to stand. I also had the lovely task of changing the bandages every day. I did not really know what it was supposed to look like as it healed and ewww was it gross. The skin graft slowly scabbed and would bleed every day from the stretching. Who knew a small little mole could turn into this? That's the point. Skin cancer is big. It's scary, but it doesn't have to be if it is caught early.

A week or so later, I got the call that I wanted to get, but was still scared to know. The biopsy on my lymph node had come back completely clear. I was cancer free. For the first time in over a month, I could breathe. I felt like I had my life back. No more worry, no more fear that there is cancer inside my body. There are no 100% gurantees, but I now only have a 2 to 3% chance that any cancer cells randomly escaped and went past the lymph nodes to another location. My doctor said everything looked great and as he believed previously, this is most likely a one time experience. I continued to allow my leg to heal throughout the next month or so and around the 10 week mark, it finally felt normal again. I could walk. The swelling was gone and although I had an interesting scar going on, I was amazed at my body's ability to heal. The "M&M" hole had almost completely filled in from underneath. My body had regrown skin within just weeks. It was amazing.

This entire experiece changed me forever. I now visit the dermatologist and my surgeon every 3 months for the next year. At every visit I get a blood test and an external lymph node check. I had my first 3 month check up just a couple weeks ago. Every time I have to return to the same waiting room where I started. I am surrounded by people fighting a much bigger battle than me. I sit there now on the other side of cancer and wonder where they are in their journey. I am constantly reminded of that fact that there are no gurantees in health. I had a great appointment and receievd a clean bill of health. 3 months down........The longer I stay healthy, the better my chances are that this won't return in any way. I walked out with a grateful heart. I wear sunscreen every single day and the days of laying out are long gone. But I am embracing my skin and knowing that no tan is worth losing your life! Here are a few pics of my ankle 1 and 2 weeks post surgery: Did you realize a small mole could become this?

I am thankful now for each day. I realize that things can change within minutes. It is true what they say, you have nothing witout your health. I praise God every day for giving me this chance to experience something bigger than me. I am grateful for the opportunity to go through something that helped me grow closer to Him. You see, I had 2 choices every day. FEAR OR FAITH. The two cannot co-exist. So which would I choose today? Which would I choose this minute. There were some days it was a minute by minute battle. When faith escapes, fear rushes in to take it's place. I still have to make that choice every day. I could wake up in fear that I will be that small percentage of people who's cancer shows up somewhere else down the road. Or I can have faith that my life was saved for a purpose bigger than I know. I choose faith. I was given incredibly intelligent doctors who gave me the best possible treatment available. I was given a testimony of faith to share with my children. I was given the chance to experience something where I had absolutely no option but to believe I would be Ok. There was nothing more than faith. How precious is that? I was given a husband who stands on faith bigger than a mountain, never doubting the fact that I would be fine. I have so much to be grateful for.



The point is, skin cancer is scary. I never thought I would be 26 and have already faced cancer. I never thought I would be strong enough to deal with something like that. But God knew I would face this long before I was even born. He prepared me in every way possible. He brought me to Raleigh. He gave me an incredible husband and best friend. He gave me a great family who helped me all along the way. We can often find answers at the end of the journey. I learned that had still been pregnant at the time of all this, I could not have had the treatment I truly needed at that time. As I sat and cried over the loss of our first pregnancy in January, I had no idea that I had cancer on my leg. But God did. He knew that my body would have to be healed before we welcomed a child into the world. He knew His plan all along. I now have answers to why He took that first pregnancy away. It was so I could be healed. How great is our God? So much greater than I could every imagine. But what a blessing it is to see little glimpses of his greatness through the trying times. He is so good. I now know that it was the Holy Spirit that kept reminding me to make that dermatology appointment. When I would forget, a couple days later I would hear it again "call and make an appointment". What an amazing experience.

The moral of the story: My life was saved by that first dermatology appointment. I could still be sitting here with cancer on and in my body. The thing about melanoma is, once there are internal symptoms, it is often too late for a cure. Ladies, this is the number 1 cancer for us ages 25 to 30. I fit the statistic perfectly. Although melanoma is only 4% of skin cancers, it is also the only type that spreads rapidly and kills 8,000 people a year. Skin cancer is the only type of cancer that shows itself externally from the very beginning. There is NO excuse for people to die from this cancer. Go for your yearly skin checks. You may save your very own life.

I am grateful that through all of this I am a better woman, a better wife and will be a better mother. My faith is at a level where I can teach my children through experience that our God is so good. Nathan and I are closer after walking through 2 "big" things this year. Whew.... did I say 2009 would be a big year? God sure thought so! Well get excited, because there are more big things happening and I cannot wait to tell you all about it!!!!!

2009: To be continued very soon :)